Face Paint
by Brunosaurs4
Summary: When a casual duel between the Princess and the Hero goes wrong, Zelda is left with an interesting problem, and Link rallies around to save the day.


**Disclaimer: **I don't own Legend Of Zelda.

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><p><strong>FACE PAINT<strong>

One fine day, Zelda was sitting in her room, fixing her hair, when Link walked in.

"Zelda?" Link said. "I'm bored."

"Link!" Zelda exclaimed, swirling around, her hair half loose. "What are you doing in here? These are my private chambers!"

"So?" Link asked, shrugging. "I'm the Hero of Legends. No one dares to tell me what to do"

"…" Zelda sighed. "What do you want?"

"I'm bored."

"How can you get bored?" Zelda demanded. "The whole of Hyrule is open to you! You can do whatever you want! Now get out, I'm dressing up."

"I can't think of anything."

"Well, why don't you sit down in that chair over there, and think about it?"

But Link kept wandering around, fiddling with her stuff. He came over to where she was sitting, and looked down at her table.

"Wow, you sure use a lot of stuff to keep you looking the way you are," he mused, picking up a small cake of rogue. "Hehe," he chuckled. "Who'd voluntarily want to look this red? You'd look like a tomato if you put it on, Zel."

"Link," said Zelda, taking the rogue from him firmly. "Go away."

Link wandering off again. Zelda ignored him, hoping he would go away.

"Zel?" Link said eventually. "You want to go sparring?"

"Me?" her hair firmly fixed into an elaborate hairstyle, Zelda turned to him. "Why me? Why don't you spar with one with one of the soldiers?"

"I always beat them," said Link. "They're too afraid to fight with me now."

"Well, I'm sure you'll rope in another victim to humiliate with your superior sword skills," Zelda said, starting to powder her face. "Link, will you please leave? Its hard to dress with an audience."

Link didn't budge. He looked up at a huge picture of her father. After a while, he asked: "_Can_ you fight?"

"Hmm?"

"Do you even know how to fight? Do you have any, combat skills?"

"Of course!" said Zelda. "I can use a bow, can't I?"

"Oh any girl can use a bow," Link said dismissively. "But do you know how to use an actual sword? A real broad sword? Cuz you know, I could teach you. I'd give me something to do."

"Link, I know how to use a sword," said Zelda.

"Then what's wrong with sparring with me?" Link pleaded. "Come on Zel, its not like you have anything important to do."

"What makes you think that?" Zelda asked indignantly.

"Because you've been at your face for an hour?"

Zelda glared at him.

"Remember Zelda, I saved your kingdom, you owe me," said Link, grinning.

Zelda sighed and put down her small powder puff, admitting defeat. Link's grin widened.

"This will be so much fun!" He exclaimed, grabbing her hand, and dragging her outside.

"Link, wait, I'm not even properly dressed yet!" Zelda exclaimed.

"You look fine," said Link dismissively. "You don't need to look pretty for a sword fight anyway."

"But-" Zelda was cut short as she was dragged down the stairs by the eager hero.

After much arguing, a battle ground was eventually chosen. Link wanted to fight in the training ground, but Zelda had point-blank refused to do this, stating that she didn't want to make a spectacle of herself in front of her soldiers. After wandering round for a while, they'd come across a secluded garden. It was a beautiful place, liberally scattered with rose bushes, marble statues of cherubs, and topped of by a fountain. However, neither of its current occupants was interested in the surroundings. They had much more important matters to attend to.

"Here you go," said Link handing Zelda a stick with a lump of soft foam attached at one end.

"Whats this?" Zelda asked. "This is your idea of a sword?"

"This," said Link, scornfully. "Is a training weapon. I don't want to accidentally kill the Queen of Hyrule."

"Or maybe you're afraid I'll scar your beautiful face?" Zelda suggested innocently.

"Like you could even touch me," Link boasted.

"Oh please," Zelda said. "I won't have to touch you, you'll probably end this by tripping over your own feet."

"Me, trip?" Link's eyes widened. "Surely you jest, you highness. Let me assure you, I shall soon have you on your knees, begging for mercy."

"That's it, wolf-boy!" Zelda said, waving the stick. "Stuff it, and show me if you actually have what it takes."

"As you wish," Link said. "En guarde!" He lunged towards her. Zelda sidestepped. Link turned, and swung his sword. Zelda ran off. Link ran after her.

"Hey!" he yelled. "Running isn't fighting!"

"I'm just biding my time, hero." Suddenly, she turned and struck out. Her own weapon missed completely; however, Link, who'd been running with his 'sword' held out before him, waved it at her, catching her in the side of the face.

"YEOUCH!" Zelda yelled as she went down head of heels.

"Zelda!" Link exclaimed, alarmed, bending down to her.

"Ow, ow, ow, my eye!" Zelda cried out, covering her left eye. "You hit me in the eye! WHAT KIND OF A GENTLEMAN ARE YOU?"

"Hey, its not my fault you turned at the wrong time," Link said, shrugging.

"It is your fault," Zelda glared at him with one eye. "You suggested this, remember?"

"I'm sorry," Link said. "Let me see it."

Slowly, Zelda uncovered her eye. It was slightly red, but nothing more.

"Does it hurt bad?" Link asked.

"Well, not that much," said Zelda slowly.

"No bones broken?" Link asked. "Or eyes popped? I-I mean," he said hurriedly, noticing the look on Zelda's face. "Come one, Zel! Toughen up! It was _foam_, for God's sake!"

"I bet you wouldn't say that if you'd been hit," said Zelda.

"I have been hit with worse," said Link. "And I said I was sorry! Stop acting like a wimp."

Zelda bristled at this. "I am not a wimp!" she said, standing up.

Link grinned. "Sure thing, Muscle Queen," he said, helping her up. They both stood for a minute, surveying their weapons.

"Er," said Link. "I don't suppose you want to continue, do you? No, I thought not," he responded hurriedly to a look from Zelda. "Lets go back to then castle then."

"Why do I let you hang around?" Zelda asked, as they headed back to the castle.

"Because I'm your hero, and I protect you."

"Right."

Link had to leave rather suddenly that day, on account of a letter from Bo which said that some over enthusiastic tourists were trying to break into his house to see how the hero lived. Once he got there, he decided he might as well stick around.

One day, two weeks from his and Zelda's 'little spar' he was sound asleep in his house, when a loud knocking woke him up. The postman stood outside, who saluted.

"Um… yes?" Link asked blearily.

"A letter for you, from the Queen Zelda! Urgent sir!" the postman handed him a letter in a fancy, scented envelope, which said Link on it in big, curly letters. As the postman ran away to deliver his other letters, Link tore open the envelope. It said, without any formal beginnings or anything: 'Link, come here NOW. Its URGENT. Drop everything and COME. Zelda.'

Link turned the letter over. He looked inside the envelope. There was nothing else there. It was very mysterious. However, one thing was clear; Zelda had called him. So Link, forever the faithful pushover, got onto his horse and rode to Hyrule.

As soon as Link entered the castle, he was accosted by one of the old men who always surrounded Zelda.

"Ah, Sir Link, thank goodness you have arrived!" the old man said.

"Why, what's wrong?" Link asked.

"The Queen is acting rather… strangely," the man answered. "Ever since you have left, he has taken to her room. She rarely comes out, and refuses to see anyone. When she does come out, she covers her face and does not let anyone see her. We are all worried. We thought you might be able to talk to her." He looked at him rather hopefully.

"Yes, well, actually, Zelda called me here," Link said.

"Ah, excellent, excellent!" The old man started pushing him towards the stairs. "You go talk to her highness and ask her what's ailing her, good boy. She always listens to you, grand hero that you are." He pushed him all the way to Zelda's door, and stood there, waiting expectantly.

Hesitating a bit, Link knocked.

"Who is it?" Zelda asked from inside.

"Its me, Link," Link answered.

There was a pause, then the sound of bolts being drawn back. The door was opened a crack for Link to slip through. As soon as he was in, she slammed it shut and bolted it.

"Er, Zel…" Link turned to look at her. She was, indeed wearing a hood, the same way she had the first time they'd met. "What's wrong?"

"Link," said the Queen, slowly, turning to him. "You must promise me, that you must never show anyone what I'm about to show you."

"Ok," Link said, feeling uneasy. "What-?"

"Also," Zelda continued ominously. "You must promise not to laugh."

"… why would I laugh?" Link asked.

In answer, Zelda back her hood.

Link stared at her. His lips trembled.

Zelda had a shiner.

And it wasn't small either, it was huge, the kind of thing that made you look like you had panda blood in you somewhere.

"Oh… um," he said, trying hard not to laugh. "Wow. Th- uh, how… how did this happen?"

"How did this happen?" Zelda folded her arms and glared at him. "You did this, remember?"

"Me? What? When did I-" Link broke off as realization dawned on him. "Oh God," he said. "You mean… this is… because… I-I-"

"You hit me! And gave me a black eye!" Zelda practically yelled at him. She took a deep breath, her hands bunched into fists, as if trying to resist the impulse to hit him.

"Er, sorry," said Link.

"Sorry? SORRY?" Zelda's voice rose several octaves. "You have the nerve to say sorry? You-you little…," she looked around for something to throw at him; catching sight of a table with a small vase nearby, she stepped towards it angrily. Link hastened to soothe her.

"Zelda, its not that bad."

"NOT THAT BAD? I HAVE A BLACK EYE, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!"

"Yes, yes, Zelda, but, see, black eyes _heal_," said Link, in a low, soothing voice. "They heal. In practically no time. In a few days, your face will be its usual, flawless-"

"I don't have a few days!" Zelda shrieked.

"Why not?" Link asked. "I mean, you've done a great job of hiding it for so long, surely a few more days-"

"I can't," said Zelda, heavily. "There's- there's a ball tonight. For my birthday."

"Oh," said Link. "It-its your birthday huh? Well, uh, happy birthday Zel, may you-"

"Don't stand there wishing me, you moron! Do something!" Zelda screamed again, and Link jumped. Really, for a princess, Zelda sometimes behaved very crudely.

"Zel, can't you, you know, tell them what happened?" he asked. "I'm sure people will understand what happened."

"Yeah right," Zelda snapped. "They won't understand! They'll think I'm a helpless little princess who couldn't defend herself! They'll think I'm inferior to you that I lost!"

"Uh, but Zelda, you ARE…" Link trailed off when he saw the look on Zelda's face. "…So much better than me, obviously," he finished, nervously.

Zelda sank down on a chair. "Link, I know you're better than me at fighting," she said. "But right now, considering my fragile position on the throne, it is imperative that I appear strong. If I show my face to them, and tell them you hit me, even by accident, they'll think me a submissive woman who cowed under a stronger male!"

"Oh come on, Zel, that's far fetched," Link said.

"No, its not," Zelda said. "You don't know the ridiculous ideas people are capable of thinking."

Link wanted to point out the ridiculous ideas she was capable of thinking, but if felt that if he said that, Zelda might really throw something at him.

"Besides," Zelda continued. "I look hideous! I will not go to the ball looking like this, I will be the laughing stock of Hyrule!"

"Zelda," Link said, impatiently. "If you don't want to go in front of people because you look ridiculous, why didn't you just say so in the beginning, instead of going on about all that 'fragile throne' and 'submissive image' nonsense?"

Zelda gripped the vase tightly, fire in her eyes. "Link," she said, "If you don't do something, you will go to the ball tonight in a pair of crutches, you understand me?"

Link backed away several paces at this threat. "But why me?" he asked plaintively. "I mean, you have the triforce of wisdom, right?"

"Because you did this," Zelda hissed. Then she stood up, smiled sweetly at him, and said in a voice as sweet as poisoned honey: "And because you're my hero, and it is YOUR job to protect me."

Link threw up his hands in defeat. Zelda sank back in her chair and looked up at him, her arms folded. He walked around the room, trying to think of some way of getting rid of her black eye quickly.

"You tried a red potion?" He asked. Zelda nodded. "The red potion only heals major injuries, you know that," she pointed out. Link huffed again, and wandered around some more. Then his eye fell on her vanity.

"AHA!" he exclaimed, and Zelda jumped. "What? What?" she asked eagerly.

"This!" Happily, Link picked up a cake of skin colored face powder. "Put it on!"

Zelda shook her head. "I already tried that," she said. "Its too light, its not working."

Link put it down, making a face. "Darn it," he said. "It would have worked. Maybe… you need something more… heavy duty?"

"What do you mean?" Zelda asked.

"I know!" Link exclaimed, rushing out of the room. "Stay here, I'll be right back!" ignoring Zelda's cries of protest, he ran out of the room, out of the castle, and all the way to Malo's Mart in Castle Town.

"Excuse me!" He exclaimed to the shop-keeper. "Do you have paints?"

The shop-keeper looked surprised. "Of course we have paints," he said. "Malo's Mart has everything!"

"Great!" Link said. "Do you have any, uh, skin colored paints?"

The shop-keeper brought out some paints in the tone Link had requested. "Which ones do you-"

"Perfect!" Quickly Link grabbed a tube of color he felt would match Zelda's skin. "How much?"

"10 Rupees," the man said. "But please-"

"Here!" Link threw the required amount on the counter, and ran out.

"Hey, look, you-" the shop-keeper started, then trailed off, shrugging. "Its an unlikely possibility anyway," he said to himself.

THUMP THUMP THUMP!

"Ah!" Zelda jumped up. "I-I need a moment-"

"Zel, its me, open up!" Link's voice came gleefully through the door.

"Oh, Link," Zelda opened the door, and Link rushed in, looking triumphant. "My dear damsel in distress, I have figured out a way for your troubles!" he said, grandly.

"Good. What is it?" asked Zelda anxiously. The sun was setting, and the party would be starting soon.

"Paint!" Link held up the tube of paint.

"…" Zelda stared at him. "Are you serious?"

"Of course!" Link started to unscrew the paint. "Now, do you have a brush?"

"B-but Link, I can't paint my face! It'd look terrible!" Zelda followed him around as he ransacked the room for a paint brush.

"No it won't!" Link said. "At least, you'd hope it doesn't, its your only shot. Ah, here we are," he said, holding up a paint brush he had unearthed from somewhere. "Now sit down, so that I can work my magic on you."

"Uh," hesitantly, Zelda sat down on a chair. "Are you sure about this?"

"Absolutely!" Link said. "Trust me!"

After many painful 'ow's as Link poked Zelda in the eye, and many scrubbings later, Link released Zelda. "Lo and behold!" he said, flourishing the brush. "The hero has saved the queen once again!"

Hesitantly, Zelda looked at herself in the mirror. She had to admit, Link had done a fine job. Her face looked absolutely normal.

"It- it looks perfect," she said, turning to him and smiling.

"Of course it would!" said Link. "Oh, but try not to smile so much, the paint might crack."

"I won't," Zelda said. "It feels a little uncomfortable though," she admitted.

"Well, you are covered in paint, after all," Link said. "It'll probably get better soon."

"Hopefully," Zelda said. She rose. "Thank you Link," she said. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go get ready."

"Great," said Link, heading to the doorway. "I'll see you at the party!"

"Ah, yes…" Although Zelda hadn't originally intended to invite him (he got on her nerves too much) she admitted that, this once, she wouldn't mind seeing him there.

It was evening, and the ballroom looked absolutely beautiful. The guests milled around, waiting for the Queen to make an entrance. Link was hanging around the food table, stuffing himself.

"Announcing her Royal Highness, The Queen Zelda!" The guests cheered and clapped, Link belatedly following them. He watched Zelda ascending the stairs and meeting with her guests. After the crowd had thinned a bit, he sidled up to her.

"Hi, you look nice," he said. Zelda turned to him. "Oh, Link," she said, putting her hand up to her face. "Thank you." She leaned in slightly closer, and asked him in a whisper: "It doesn't look unnatural, does it?"

"No, no, it looks fine," Link said. "You should calm down, though, you look flushed." Indeed, the areas on Zelda's face which were not painted looked slightly red.

"Its not my fault," Zelda said, rubbing her face lightly. "Its… itchy."

"Relax," Link told her. "It'll be fine. Think of how pretty you look."

Zelda looked at him, her face a mixture of exasperation and pleasure.

Suddenly, some noble came up to Zelda and asked her for a dance. Graciously, Zelda obliged. She headed off to the dance floor, and Link headed back to the food-table.

"Your highness, you look absolutely stunning," the noble said. Zelda smiled at him, slightly distracted. Her face was getting itchier by the minute. Uneasily, a thought came to her mind. _'What exactly had been in the paint?_' she thought.

"Your highness?" the noble's voice jolted her out of her thoughts. "Are you alright? You look… flushed."

"Oh, do I?" Zelda broke away. "Would you excuse me? I-I have something to do."

"Of course," the poor noble stared at Zelda's retreating back. She walked as quickly as she could while keeping a dignified pace.

"I have to do something, okay?" she told one of her retainers who came behind her. As she ran up the staircase, Link came out of the ball room.

"Whats up?" he asked. The old man frowned. "I don't know," he answered.

Zelda rushed up to her room. Locking her door, she looked at herself in her mirror. Her skin was burning now. Going to her washing stand, she quickly removed all the paint, and stared, wide- eyed at the result. The half- squeezed paint tube lying onto one side caught her attention. She picked it up and read the instructions on its side. A scream escaped from her lips.

"LIIIINK!"

Downstairs, Link jumped as though he had been shot.

"What? Wha-" the old man turned and looked at him. "Her highness called your name!"

Link was already running up the stairs. He was running down a passageway when he saw Zelda running to him.

"Zelda, what…" he trailed off as he saw the look on Zelda's face.

"LINK, I WILL KILL YOU!" Zelda's face looked wild. Not only did she have a black eye, but half her face was swollen and red, giving her a strange look. Added to that was the look of anger and outrage on her face. Link took one look at her, then turned and started running in the opposite direction.

"Link! Come BACK here!" out of somewhere, Zelda produced her bow, and started firing arrows at him. "You… wanted… to… see… if… I … could FIGHT!"

Link yelped as arrows rained after him, running down the stairs with more speed then he had ever shown, even around Ganondorf. The servants and various people of the castle watched and ducked as their apparently crazy Queen and Hero ran down the hall and out of the castle. Once little maid noticed a small tube lying to one side, and picked it up, and read the inscription on it.

PAINT

FINEST MALO MART PAINT!

WARNING- Not for use on hair, skin or nails.

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><p>Please Review!<p> 


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